What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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