I puked a lego.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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