oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
