why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
