Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
