You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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