my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you didnt know i had herpes?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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