Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
