this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
