alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
