If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
