I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize