i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
