i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
