hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ruined the universe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
