Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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