My liver just broke up with me...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
