God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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