dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
