my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
