hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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