a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
