His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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