I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
