i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
