He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
