Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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