Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
