Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
