i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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