I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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