and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
