All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
