Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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