i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
