i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
