she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
