I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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