does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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