i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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