I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
