Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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