I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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