Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
