I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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