my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
