i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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