I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
