You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
