glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
