It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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