Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition