I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
