so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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