On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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