Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize