What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
