Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
