My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
