Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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